Have a glass of Irish ...

On magazine recommends the following adult beverages for St. Patrick's Day:

* Guinness Draught: This is the classic Irish beer, brewed since the 18th century. It's a stout, which is not for everyone but goes perfectly with corned beef.

* Harp Irish Lager: The light-colored yin to Guinness' dark yang, Harp is the perfect beer for those intimidated by stout. It's also the perfect bottom half of a Harp-Guinness black and tan.

* Irish whiskey: Smoother than Scotch by a far sight, Irish whiskeys such as Bushmills, Jameson, Tullamore Dew and Powers are great on ice or with just a bit of water. Be advised, however, that Bushmills is a Protestant whiskey, while Jameson is Catholic. Avoid sectarian violence by buying one of each.

... but don't you dare drink these

On magazine roundly criticizes consumption of the following adult beverages on St. Patrick's Day:

* Scotch: Drink it the other 364 days of the year, if that's your thing. But on St. Patrick's Day, make a conself a glass of Irish.

* Anything with an umbrella: On magazine is generally a staunch defender of girlie, tropical drinks. But there's a time and place. St. Patrick's Day is not it.

* American lagers with green food coloring: On magazine recognizes that it's a tradition these days to have a green beer. But what's more Irish, Guinness or green Miller Lite?