Yakima SantaCon 2009 -- Indulge your inner Santa

Given the choice between doing something and not doing that thing, I generally go with the latter; I'm The Indoorsman and, well, that's kind of my style.

So normally, I wouldn't dress up like Santa. And normally, I wouldn't go bar-hopping with a bunch of other people. Ugh, other people; they're the worst. I definitely wouldn't dress up like Santa AND go bar-hopping with a bunch of other people.

I prefer to dress up like myself -- usually a concert T-shirt with a small hole or two and a pair of khakis frayed at the bottom because they're an inch too long -- and on those occasions when I can be bothered to leave my cozy apartment, I prefer to go to one place and stay there.

However, with some small sense of duty and a large measure of reluctance, I have been coerced into keeping alive SantaCon -- a ridiculous tradition started locally last year by my predecessor on these pages, Guilty Pleasures. It's a day of bar-hopping with a large group of people all dressed as Santa. Everyone's welcome, provided everyone is over 21 and wears a Santa suit.

I'm told last year's event was a huge success. I didn't attend because, well, you know. But people who did attend, including The Indoorswoman, report that it was a rollicking good time.

I admit the merry prankster in me appreciates the mindblowing potential of a herd of drunken Santas strolling down the way. It's the sort of thing that makes good background in a David Lynch movie. But there's something in me -- I'd call it personal dignity but it's probably got more to do with some kind of inhibition-based self-esteem issue -- that recoils from such unabashed dorkiness.

Now, ol' Guilty Pleasures loves this kind of thing. Unabashed dorkiness in the name of good times is kind of her specialty; she was briefly a theater major, if that tells you anything. I, on the other hand, hate this kind of thing; I majored in depression and whiskey with a minor in sleeping until 4 p.m.

Nevertheless, here I am pledging to slap on a beard and an ill-fitting Santa suit for Yakima SantaCon 2009. It's going to be Dec. 19, and Guilty Pleasures, who earlier this year moved to Los Angeles, is promising a return visit to keep everyone's spirits up. Lord knows I won't be doing any of that.

She'll also be updating the plans, including the proposed downtown route, at www.yakimabarblog.blogspot.com.

There are, I'm told, a few ground rules for this thing. Most importantly, to join in you must wear a Santa suit. A hat is not enough. And double most importantly, dressing as Santa does not mean that local, state and federal ordinances do not apply to you. You can't get too unruly. You should avoid public intoxication.

And, triple most importantly, you can't fly that sleigh after you've been drinking. Have one of your elves come pick you up or just call a cab. Do not, however, climb into the cab and yell, "North Pole, and step on it!"

Being dressed as Santa is obnoxious enough without adding that.

-- The Indoorsman