Veterans Day helps heal the heart of war widow

PROSSER, Wash. -- The annual Veterans Day Parade helps Shelly Best overcome the sorrow of losing her husband to war as she watches the procession from the front porch of her childhood home.

So do fireworks on the Fourth of July, memorial banquets for fallen soldiers and other activities that commemorate Marine Staff Sgt. Marvin Best and other men and women who have sacrificed their lives in the military.

"To me, it really makes me appreciate Marvin even more," Shelly says of patriotic holidays. "They definitely heal."

Her husband was killed June 20, 2004, in the Al Anbar province of Iraq when the Humvee he was riding in hit a land mine. He was the second of 10 Marines and soldiers with ties to the Yakima Valley to die in Iraq since the war began in March 2003.

"People need to remember him," says Shelly, a 34-year-old dance instructor. "Too many Americans take this freedom for granted."

She lives in a Victorian home with her folks on Sixth Street near Prosser High School, right on the Veterans Day Parade route. Every year since she was a little girl, the Color Guard has marched past the front door.

Five years after her husband's death, Shelly finds comfort in small remembrances. At least once a week, she thumbs through old pictures of Marvin or rewatches a video of his memorial service. An urn with his ashes rests on a shelf beneath a portrait hanging on the wall. She occasionally reads a letter sent to her by his commanding officer, Lt. Col. Philip Skuta, who spoke highly of Marvin's sniper skills.

"It makes you feel so much better when you look back at those memories," Shelly says.

The mementos help her move forward. She has on-and-off been pursuing an associate's degree at Yakima Valley Community College, and teaches children's dance classes twice a week in Buena.

The Miller Avenue home where she and Marvin lived for five years is being rented. Its basement, where Marvin smoked cigars and sampled craft beers with his buddies, is full of his collections, including vintage military photos and jars of sand from the beaches of Iwo Jima.

She hasn't dated since Marvin's death but hasn't ruled it out either, she says.

Marvin's parents, Charlotte and Bill Best, also look to reminders to help them move on.

Every year, they participate in Time of Remembrance, a banquet in Richland for families of fallen military men and women.

They also volunteer for a Tri-Cities chapter of Operation Thank You, a group that organizes barbecues and welcome parties for soldiers returning home and sends care packages to the ones who are still overseas.

"We're doing what Marvin would want us to do," Charlotte says. "We're looking after those who are still in the war."

Smaller, more private reminders help them, as they do Shelly. In their garden, the Bests have yellow roses given to them by friends in Marvin's honor and plants that Marvin, an avid long-distance runner, had won as trophies in races.

"Too often the weeds kind of win," Bill, a sanitation supervisor at Bybee Foods in Pasco, says with a laugh.

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A more public symbol of remembrance for Marvin, a 1989 Prosser High School graduate and Marine recruiter, may be on its way in this city of 5,000.

Some of his classmates are raising money to erect a statue of the traditional military memorial: empty boots, helmet and rifle. They need about $5,000 for the piece, said Cip Moreno, a friend of Marvin's and an Army veteran of the 1991 Iraq War. The idea came up at a 20-year class reunion held in September.

"It's in honor of Marvin, but it's for the other veterans, too," Moreno said.

Two years ago, another activity organized in Marvin's name, the Fourth of July Prosser's Best Run, was canceled after family disagreements over how the proceeds should be spent. The race, organized by a Marine who had been recruited by Marvin, was held every year from 2005 to 2007.

Marvin was well known for how much he loved running. He competed on the Prosser High School track team and went on 12-mile jogs about three times a week after he married Shelly.

While recruiting for the Marines, he also trained for marathons, including the 2003 Tahoe Triple, three marathons in three days.

He continued his running in Iraq, with long jaunts through the desert, Shelly says. Notes he jotted in his journal the day before his death mention his desire to stay in shape for marathons back home.

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Shelly, who also grew up in Prosser, believes that if Marvin were home today, he would want to go to Afghanistan or return to Iraq. And she would have encouraged him to do so.

Her own family has a long history of military service. Her grandmother, June Bates, is a retired Marine. Her grandfather, Jack Bates, was in the Navy. Two uncles served in the Army and a third uncle just retired after 30 years in the Army and Air Force. He is returning to Afghanistan as a civilian.

On her mother's side, Shelly's cousin is a retired Marine, and her uncle was a lieutenant in the Coast Guard.

Now a military widow, Shelly watches and reads enough news to remain aware of developments in Afghanistan and Iraq. But she purposely limits her news intake, just as she did when Marvin was alive in Iraq.

She believes American troops should remain in both countries, though she cringes when she reads about casualties, especially from roadside bombs.

"It just brings back horrible memories when you hear that eight of them were killed by a roadside bomb," she says.

In January, Shelly was invited to a military banquet at the White House by some of President George W. Bush's staff members just a few days before he left office. She took her father, Roger Bates, a retired Benton County engineer.

"It was a bittersweet moment," Shelly says. "Aside from marrying Marvin, that was the greatest moment of my life."

Shelly and her father describe themselves as staunch Bush supporters before and after Marvin's death and say they do not blame the former president for anything. It was, they say, an honor to be invited as his guests.

One by one, families of fallen soldiers visited with Bush in the Blue Room for a few words of encouragement and photos.

Shelly recalls their brief conversation vividly:

"He asked me if my heart had healed. I said, 'Yes, it has. It has now.'"

* Ross Courtney can be reached at 509-930-8798 or rcourtney@yakimaherald.com.