This year, we're celebrating Family's Day

Father's Day will take on a whole new dynamic for me this year.

There will be plenty to celebrate. Plenty to reflect on. And plenty to be thankful for.

Last week, my nephew, Anthony, came to live with us. His father, my older brother, Gary, died of cancer in 2007, and my wife and I have offered our home as a place for Anthony to grow during some critical years of his life.

My father died of a heart attack when I was in the eighth grade, so I know well what it's like to go through these important years without a dad.

When I sat next to Anthony at his father's funeral, I saw myself. Anthony was 12 at the time. I was 13 when I lost my father.

Over the past year, Anthony's mother and I have been talking about having him come live with us. She felt like he would connect with me as a father figure, in part, because I know what he's going through with the loss of his father. After much consideration, she decided in April that this was best for him.

I felt like being a father-figure would help him, would honor my brother, and in some way, I knew I would find some comfort in my own grief process.

Anthony, who was living in Nampa, Idaho, is 14 and on the verge of entering high school.

My son Matthew, 10 weeks younger than Anthony, turns 14 today and is looking forward to his freshman year at Naches Valley High School.

My youngest son, Micah, is 8.

I have learned a lot as a father. I know of the challenges -- but also the rewards -- of raising boys.

To me, the essence of a family is being able to adjust and think of others -- even when it's easier to put yourself first.

Now that we have three boys in the house, I know there will be shared time on the PlayStation. There will be quarrels over who's holding the remote control.

But, there will also be love, laughter and understanding.

The balance is important for each young-man-to-be in our home.

Perhaps the importance of the well-being and growth of all three is heightened by my own journey.

When I was growing up, I looked to a lot of people to fill that void of not having a father in my life. There was never one person who could do that.

Still, I had a great family environment. My mom was ultimately responsible for that. I also leaned on my brother, my three sisters, teachers and pastors along the way.

I want to help Anthony navigate through that process. When Gary died, I felt an obligation to make sure that his kids -- he also has a 20-year-old daughter -- were OK.

Much has changed since Matthew and Anthony last lived in the same city, let alone the same house.

In 1998, ironically the last time Matthew's birthday landed on Father's Day, the cousins were 3 years old and both living in Fresno, Calif., when my family and my brother's family were living in the same town.

We lived about 10 minutes apart and we'd get together for holidays at my mom's house, often with my three sisters as well. Our mom instilled in all of us a sense about family and spending time together.

Back then, the boys could stand on one foot. They could ride a tricycle. They were beginning to speak in complete sentences.

How things have changed in the past 11 years.

Tricycle? They're really starting to eyeball things with motors. They can speak in complete sentences but choose not to.

How was school? Good.

Did you have a good day? Yep.

Anything you want to talk about? Nope.

So much for the sentences.

Those were much simpler times. But now, the challenges are much different.

As we look to the year ahead, I see two boys who are turning into young men.

There will be continued discussions about sex, drugs, alcohol and the awkward subject of dating.

These are sensitive subjects. But, my wife, Julie, and I believe they're handled better if tackled head on. The older they get, or so people say, the less they open up to you about serious issues.

As we always have, we will parent together. But, topics like sex and dating usually fall to the dad when you're dealing with boys. Which is fine with me. It's a big responsibility, but it's not one I shy away from.

The choices they make in high school, especially in the cases of sex and drugs and alcohol, can have a lasting impact on their adult lives.

We will look to balance those issues with a different set of issues for our 8-year-old, who undoubtedly will want to be one of the "big boys." But, as all the boys watch their parents for an example, he will also look to the older boys as he finds his way.

As we celebrate Father's Day, in our house it will be more than just a passing nod, a special tie or a gift-wrapped power drill.

We will spend the day with my wife's father, honoring him. My kids will likely do something nice for me. I will remember my own father. We will make sure that Anthony gets to remember his. And we will celebrate one of our sons growing a year older -- a year closer to manhood.

But, more important than all those titles, we will celebrate family. We will recognize where we came from. We will know where we're going. And that we're walking down that road together.

* Assistant City Editor Scott Mayes can be reached at 509-577-7679 or smayes@yakimaherald.com.

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