Paris may be hip, but Vern's got a bass boat

Just for the record: Paris Hilton and I were at the same restaurant on the same night.

It's also true we never saw each other. That's the price of being a celebrity. Sometimes you never get a chance to rub shoulders with the common folk.

Paris (yes, we always refer to celebs by their first name) was attending the grand opening for the Yellowtail, an upscale sushi restaurant where the service is brisk, a dollop of Alaska King crab costs $25 and the music is hypnotic -- like a jackhammer to the ears.

Yellowtail is definitely hip. Yakima certainly doesn't have an equal. Then again, we don't have the location that the Yellowtail does -- inside the Bellagio, a five-star casino and resort on the Las Vegas Strip.

Naturally, Paris didn't come alone to the Yellowtail. That happens with celebrities. They move in packs. Charlie Sheen, of the CBS comedy show "Two and A Half Men," was there along with his new wife Brooke (news flash: she's pregnant -- an announcement that hit the Hollywood blog sites and tabloids several days earlier). "Desperate Housewives" actress Eva Longoria also made an appearance, as did singer and actress Shar Jackson, who gained instant fame four years ago after being jilted by Kevin Federline in favor of another celebrity icon, Britney Spears.

Although my wife and I never got to see any of these celebs (most came later in the evening), we did catch a glimpse of one star who strutted his stuff down the red carpet. As cameras flashed in strobe-like frequency, a chorus of "Who's that guy?" rose up among us onlookers.

"It's the Fez," someone cried out.

Yes, none other than Wilmer Valderrama stopped and preened for the paparazzi. He played Fez in "That '70s Show," which aired from 1998 to 2006. The 28-year-old Latino actor is now an accomplished screenwriter, director and talk show favorite, having done stints with Jay Leno and Oprah. He also had a famous sit-down with radio host Howard Stern where apparently Valderrama described his physical prowess with assorted female celebs. That made quite a splash in the tabloids.

While others in our group of gawkers waved at the star, I decided to take a different tact.

"Hey, could you get me some sushi," I hollered.

The Fez didn't hear me. But two muscular bouncers did. They glared at me with steely eyes that telegraphed a simple message: Make one move, buddy, and you're going down.

I didn't realize how hazardous this celebrity business can be. It's exhausting stuff, standing along roped walkways for hours and cheering on scantily clad young ladies as they try to inveigle their way onto the invited guest list. And then there's the research you've got to do -- keeping up on their latest reality shows, arrest warrants, infidelities, broken marriages.

Republicans had me believing this celebrity stuff was all of Barack Obama's doing, but now they have their own freshly minted diva who can field-dress a moose -- Alaska's Gov. Sarah Palin. And yes, everyone calls the vice presidential hopeful by her first name. That's how you know they have celebrity credentials.

But my star search in Las Vegas didn't end at the Yellowtail. My wanderings eventually took me to the rocky shores of Lake Mead.

Being an avid fisherman, I had always wanted to land a striped bass. So for my 60th birthday, which we were celebrating in Sin City, I decided to book a fishing trip on Lake Mead, the world's largest manmade reservoir that's loaded with striped bass.

So I scanned the Internet and located a professional fishing guide. He had a great resume -- a touring bass pro who organizes fishing tournaments. He also possessed a Coast Guard license, one of the first ever issued to a guide in Nevada.

His name: Vern Price.

Of course, I called him Vern. Yes, he's another celebrity, at least among bass anglers. He has done television shows and is on speaking terms with angling hall-of-famers like Bill Dance, Shawn Grigsby and Hank Parker, whom Vern says is the nicest guy you could ever meet.

This fishing venture required me to get up at 3 a.m. It was still dark when I met him at the Laker Plaza outside of Henderson. He had a cigarette dangling from his lips. By the time we had reached the boat launch, he was on his third.

He didn't say much. How could he. He was lighting up
all of the time. Anyway, the guy's a professional bass angler. Words are a waste of time.

We hit Lake Mead in a blaze of glory. He cranked up his Nitro bass boat, equipped with a 250-horse-power outboard, and whiz-zed across the inky lake, reaching a top speed of 67 miles an hour. What a blast.

Vern headed to a spot where a flotilla of other boats were bobbing about. We were all waiting for the striped bass to do their thing.

Sure enough, as if an imaginary starting gun had gone off, the water around us exploded with fish. The striped bass were in an eating frenzy, attacking tiny shad and our floating lures with reckless abandon.

Four hours later, Vern and I were exhausted. We had landed and released 42 striped bass.

After paying Vern a hefty tip, I realized a rare thing had happened. This celebrity had actually delivered on a promise. "You want a striped bass for your birthday, and I'll deliver," Vern had pledged.

I doubt Paris Hilton could do that. Sure she may be a tad bit more attractive than Vern, but when it comes to tying a knot -- as in an improved clinch knot -- onto a Zara Spook lure and tossing it 20 yards to a surfacing striped bass, I'd put my money on Vern any day.

And that's exactly what I did.

* Coordinating Editor Spencer Hatton can be reached at 577-7670 or shatton@yakimaherald.com.

• Jobs
  www.yakjobs.com
• Homes
  www.yakhomes.com
• 
• 
  
• Autos
  www.yakwheels.com

• All Special Pubs Channels YakJobs.com YakWheels.com YakHomes.com Playdate Yakima Bride Yakima Wheels (Print) Home Buyer's Guide Baby Brag Book Graduates 2009 Summer in the Valley Prep Football 2009 Women in Business
• Advertisement